This week has been like most, a challenge. The most challenging thing for me to do is to put on a smile as I come to work and tell others good morning and ask how they are doing. No one knows about my deep seeded issue called depression, the only thing they pick up on is my lack of conversation and being direct and to the point when asked a question. I have read self-help books on “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie as well as many other books that help with interaction with others. I find it interesting when I can self identify with my shortcomings and work on fixing them, but it doesn’t take long to find my self back to the old me preferring not win people over with kindness or to look for friendship.
In the past 7 years I have made 2 friends, one of them lives in Canada and I haven’t seen him in over 5 years. I have often thought it odd that I do not have friends or that I don’t have a desire to make any. I am sure that I am not the most pleasant person to be around so that really doesn’t help my odds. Some of my old friends from school or the military that I considered close have also faded into the background. I make no attempt to keep in touch, it almost seems like to much effort to me.
In all the doom and gloom of things I can say that I enjoy blogging. It seems to help some. There is a quote I would like all of those who suffer to read and to keep in the back of your mind for when times get hard.
“What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.” – Charles Bukowski