I am unsure what it is today that makes my heart feel heavy. It guess it is a not so simple as the continuation of a guaranteed relationship (depression). I’ve started to mix meds, doc is giving me Wellbutrin with my Celexa now so I suppose that my sidekick depression had to rear its ugly head to remind me that its still there just around the corner.
I noticed that I am always day dreaming about a better place, better people, warmer smiles, something that will reach within me and yank out whatever it is that causes pain. It seems like a simple fix, but its not. I have been travelling the country side since i graduated high school and I cannot find this place. Reality is this place is within me and I cannot shed light on it.
I have a vacation planned at the end of October, I will be spending a little over a week with my father. I have been thinking about telling him how I have suffered from severe depression for as long as I can recall but I do not know how to present this to him.
He is a burly old man standing around 6’2″ and does not believe in showing weakness. I suppose that is why i went until I was 33 years old to finally admit my faults, it wasn’t of my own will, my body literally felt like giving up and I knew that there was only one way outta this rut and that was to seek outside help.
So the next step is to tell him my life long condition, and I have contemplated this, is this something that should be done? I figured he would take blame for some of my depression as a kid and I would rather him not suffer for it.
I am actually laughing right now….. Why do I feel like my depression blog is becoming a whining post?????